It's hard to tell your child that a family member has died. It's hard to tell them that someone they loved is no longer here on this Earth. It's hard to tell that that this person who meant a lot to them will no longer be there to go and visit....to go and laugh with...to go and hug. It's hard to tell your kid this. It's hard to look them in the eyes and tell them that the last time they saw this person is THE very last time they will ever see this person.......until they meet again one day in Heaven. It's hard to see the tears well up in her eyes...it's hard to hear her say that she is upset...that she misses this person who was special to her. It's hard to hear her say that she wishes she would have let this person braid her hair the last time she saw her.
See that was their thing....this family member and Emma....their thing was a teasing each other...joking...laughing...that was how they showed each other they loved each other. This family member would always try to braid Emma's hair...and Emma would never want her to...so she would squeal "NOoooooOOOoo!" and they would laugh...and giggle...and time would pass...and the routine would start again. It was sweet. It made me smile to see Emma have these moments with someone special to her in her family.
My mother in law passed away before Emma was born. My own Mom lives about a 10 hour car ride away from us. So, Emma doesn't really have very many female role models in her family. It's hard...it's something that worries me.
To see Emma lying there in bed...with tears in her eyes over her loss....I was sad. I hugged her and told her that this special person would not want her to be upset...she would not want her to be crying...she would want her to get a good sleep tonight and think of all the laughs they shared...she would want her to fall asleep with a smile on her face and peace in her heart.
It made me realize once again that life isn't about what you have...how nice your car is, how big your house is, how much STUFF you have to fill your house. Life isn't about the label on your clothing, the logo upon your shoes. It isn't about how much money you have in the bank, how much education you have, how many people are in your family, how many friends you have. It is about those little moments in between. The moments that fill up the space while you are waiting for the non-important things to happen. The games of tag at the park with your kids...out in the sun. The time you let go of your kids bike seat as you are chasing behind them as they are learning how to ride on their own...that moment of panic...as you release...and still running, watch them...riding away. The moment where you glance at your spouse or loved one and see them before they see you looking at them....you really SEE them...and your heart skips a beat...you get butterflies in your stomach at the fact that they love you and are sharing this life with you. All of those little moments that fill up the spaces in between....those are what matter....those are what you need to hold on to...those moments are what life and living really is.
So, Emma told me that she wants to wear her hair in a braid at the funeral home. I sit here with tears in my eyes as I just read back that last sentence. She wants to wear a braid in her hair....because it means something to her...it is her connection to this woman that was so special to Emma...it is their thing...and I am glad that Emma can carry that memory with her...and I hope it gives her comfort when she is sad.