I don't know if it's an age thing, a girl thing, or a diabetes thing....but lately I have noticed that Emma gets more annoyed with my typical statements or reminders to her about things. Like for example today her class is at the church for an all day retreat because they are making their 1st Communion this Sunday. They will be eating snacks there, having a bit of recess time, and eating lunch there. Well, for the entire time that Emma has been in school, she has always come home for lunch. At first it was just to make life easier on everyone because she was diagnosed just 2 short months before she began kindergarten. So, it would make me feel better to be able to bring her home for lunch because then I could see where her blood sugar was at, how things were going that day, and give her the lunch time injection in the comfort of our own living room. It made her feel better because she got to see me half way through the day, she got to see her cat and play with her for a bit while she ate her lunch, and it was like a nice little break for her every day. It made the teacher and school feel better because they didn't have to handle the whole counting carbs, making sure she ate what she was supposed to eat, and figure out the whole timing of me arriving to give her the injection, etc. So, that is how we did it...for junior kindergarten, senior kindergarten, 1st grade, and all year so far of 2nd grade.
Which brings us to today....Emma decided that instead of having to make the long walk from the church to come home for lunch and then the long walk back...that she would just eat lunch there with the rest of her class. I have always tried to make things fair and make things easy for her when it comes to diabetes things. I would rather be prepared and have that moment of pre-planning things out instead of just flying by the seat of our pants with diabetes hanging off our coat tails. So, I walked her to the church this morning...backpack full of her morning snack of strawberries, water, and a bag full of extra snacks in case she went low while there. I told her that I would be back at lunch time to bring her her food and oversee her bolus. I thought that was a fair trade. Then I would quietly slip out and let...her....be...a...kid. Let her be just like all of the other kids in her class. What a simple thing it is to everyone else. You just pack your kids lunch and snacks for the day, kiss them goodbye, and send them on their way to school without a second thought. Ahh what I would give for that sense of ease! However, that is not our life. I have accepted that fact long ago. I don't like it...but I have accepted it...and I am ok with it.
So, we met up with Emma's class and she quickly ran to get in line with the rest of her friends. I had a 30 second run down with the teacher...."You remembered the BG meter? Good, thank you. You brought her "low snacks?" Cool...I stuck some in her backpack too just in case. Lunch is still at 11:15? Alright, I will be here!" We are now nearing the end of the school year. Emma's teacher and I have conversations like this down pat. We have a system. We get each other. We both know Emma and what to look for. We got this. My part of the job was done for that moment, so I said goodbye to everyone and as I stepped away from the line of kids...I said my usual line...the thing that I say every single time I leave Emma...I have said this line thousands of times. Not because I want to be annoying...and not because I don't trust her...but more so because I want this line to be imprinted in her mind for the rest of her life with this disease....I said, "Emma..if you feel low, TELL someone!" And she said to me, "I Knooooooow Mommy!" in her best sing songy annoyed voice. I don't honestly care if it annoys her that I say it....because I want it to be in her mind. I want to know that if she is ever away from me and something happens....a low blood sugar...and she is confused, desperate, lost in that fuzzy world of being low all because her brain is not getting enough sugar in there to make sense of anything....I want to know that somehow she will hear my voice in her head...my voice echoing to her...TELL SOMEONE! That is why I say it...every single time.
I walked away and left her there with her friends, her teacher, and the assistant...all people who know about her diabetes...people who have seen her low...people who know her...people who get it. I walked away with a smile on my face thinking of the select group of people who know my daughter almost as well as I do. People who know these things about her because of diabetes. People who look out for her and care about her. I left there with a smile on my face thinking of how far we have come in this D-life and how grown up she is becoming...how much trust I have in her...it's strong...it's a bond that could never be broken. I'm proud of her.