i wrote this letter quite a while ago...but wanted to add it to my blog...hope it will help someone who can relate to this...
I am writing you this note because I am sick of hating you. I want to lay it all out in this letter and be done with you. From the first moment you came into my daughter's life, I have hated you with every fiber of my being. You have terrified me every single day for the past year and a half. You have caused my daughter pain on a daily basis. You have stolen her freedom. You have stolen her ability to just live like any other kid out there. No matter how hard I try to make it not so and ignore it, you have made it difficult for her to "fit in" and be exactly like her friends. You have caused her at 5 years of age to know what carbs, insulin, blood sugars, and glucagon are.
You have always been this image in my head of a big ugly scary monster who is relentless and always fighting me. No matter how hard I try to push you down and KEEP you down...you always get back up ten times stronger and ready to fight again. Well, let me tell you something...I am Emma's mommy...I will NEVER stay down or give in or let you win. She is MINE...she does not belong to you and I won't let you win. I will fight you to the end and i won't stop until a cure is found. I will fight for Emma until my last breath to make sure she comes out on top and is able to live a LONG and healthy life with no complications. I may falter sometimes and make mistakes...but I learn fast and never lose hope. So, try as hard as you want...I guarantee you that you won't win.
So, since I am trying to let go of my hatred for you (because hatred is poison and will only benefit YOU in the end)...i want to turn it around and tell you all that I am thankful for because of you. Thank you for teaching me patience. Thank you for teaching me about healthier eating. Thank you for teaching me about being prepared. Thank you for making me realize that I CAN do anything regardless of the circumstances. Thank you for always being there and forcing me to compromise and think outside the box in an unusual situation. THank you for showing me how to be so in tune with Emma's body that I can know that something is wrong just by hearing her breathe over the baby monitor or glancing at her across the room and seeing a certain look in her eye. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for teaching me that life really is too short and the ONLY thing that matters in life is the love you have for your family. All of life's every day occurances and annoyances are meaningless. Being 20 min. late to something is nothing to get worked up about. Getting stuck in traffic is laughable. Wars, taxes, politics, Hollywood, money, gas prices, all of it.....is totally and completely meaningless! You have taught me that all of that stuff is just the miniscule crumbs in the great loaf of bread that is life...lolol. Loving your family and your kids is the good stuff...the important stuff. You have taught me that spending the day with Emma playing hopscotch or coloring is more important that anything. Seeing her smile is so great that no words can describe how it feels. So, thank you for that.
I have hated you for too long and I am done. I know you will always be there with us...and i accept that. I may not ever get over being scared of you...but that is ok. At least I am over hating you.