Thursday, April 4, 2013

I am strong because I am a d-mom

Do you want to know what I like about the tough times with diabetes? I like that they make me stronger.

Sure, while I am in the midst of the chaos and the fear and the worry over low blood sugars that just won't seem to come back makes me feel defeated and broken and like a failure. It makes me feel like I am not in control of the situation and like I'm all alone....full of despair and exhaustion. I walk away from a night of battling stubborn high blood sugars that came out of nowhere...feeling like I have just gone 5 rounds in the ring with Mike Tyson. The difficult times with diabetes make me feel like there is no chance I could ever I'm fooling myself for even thinking that I can do my daughter should consider herself lucky that she has made it this many years with me at the controls of her pancreatic function. When I am standing there dumbfounded at the blood sugar number pattern that resembles a roller coaster ride from hell, I feel like I am not smart enough to decipher the numbers...the ratios...the basal rates. The numbers swirling around my head in that moment feel like a tornado rip roaring through my poor tired brain and I'm left to wait it out...gripping my metaphorical flashlight of patient reality...biding my time...waiting for the dust to settle so I can see clearly again.

When all is said and done...and we make it through the storm...I'm amazed at the strength that I feel. I'm amazed at the sense of self pride that I get. I sit here and look back over my shoulder for just a moment and smile...because I did it...I held my flashlight and I carried my extra sweet girl upon my back as we weathered the storm...and we made it.

Diabetes is not a game. It's not easy. It's not for the faint of heart. For as much as I hate this disease, I can't deny the fact that it has made me a better person.....a stronger person. Being a d-mom is not just about putting on a brave face and making it look easy. It's about falling down flat on your face...broken and defeated...and realizing that your true purpose lies within that moment. Being a d-mom is about accepting the things that you can not change...and being able to keep going. It's about letting the tears fall during your darkest hour...and knowing that it's a moment in time that will make you stronger than you were before.

Diabetes makes me feel strong...and for that I am greatful.

1 comment:

  1. Feeling empowered at the end of the testing week...not smooth sailing, but lots of good lessons learned!