Today was a good day. I sometimes get so caught up in the stress of diabetes that I forget to reflect and hold onto the good days. Diabetes wasnt perfect today...but really...is it ever perfect? I'm not a pancreas...I'm a Mom...so no matter how hard I try and no matter how much I want it...I need to remember that perfection is not possible.
I spent the majority of my day laughing with Emma. We didn't do anything special or anything out of the ordinary routine of our typical Saturday....but it was fun anyway. I laughed until tears were running down my face and I couldn't breathe. I laughed that special kind of laugh that comes straight from your core where you lose all control of the world around you. It doesn't matter if you are in a public place. It doesn't matter if you are in a room full of people. It doesn't matter if people are staring at you like you have lost your mind. You just laugh...because its impossible for you not to.
Diabetes was still there. We still counted carbs and gave insulin. We still checked blood sugars and even had a low. But it didn't matter...it didn't phase me...because of her. I looked at her face as she was laughing uncontrollably and I knew...I knew deep within my soul that we will be ok...we will be fine...we will conquer this life and nothing will stop us...not even diabetes.
It occurred to me today that this life is sort of like the movie "Monsters Inc." In the beginning of the movie, the monsters main job is to collect screams from the kids when they creep into their room at night. The screams are collected and used as energy to power the city the monsters live in. Well, they learn during the movie that screams are in short supply these days because kids aren't as afraid of monsters as they used to be. So, they discover that laughter is actually an even stronger source of energy for them! You may be thinking to yourself...ok...you lost me, Amy...so let me bring it back in for ya.
Diabetes is scary. There are times where it feels like the weight of that fear is enough to crush me. The highs and lows and illnesses and everything in between can sometimes be so completely overwhelming that the pure energy of that fear is crippling. However, when we have days like today...days filled with belly laughs and jokes and smiles....the feeling of that energy is overwhelming. The power that the laughter leaves behind on my soul is incredible. It makes me feel like I could run a marathon...climb any mountain...show the world that we CAN do this...show MYSELF that I CAN do this. I can be the best psuedo pancreas I can possibly be. I can do this. I AM doing this.
Laughter is more powerful than fear. After today, I believe that with every fiber of my being....so I choose to smile...I choose to laugh...I choose to LIVE.