Wednesday, August 22, 2012

I'll sleep when I'm dead

It occured to me just moments ago as I stood outside of Emma's bedroom door...juice box in hand, blood sugar meter and lancet in other hand...flashlight in my mouth...just how relentless diabetes is. I walked up the same stairs I have walked up countless times during the night to check on her...make sure she's still alive...make sure her blood sugar is at an ok range. For some reason tonight, I paused.....I stood at the top of the stairs...just outside of her bedroom door. I stared at the poster of Nick Jonas hanging on the door. I stood there and for just a moment....just a mere breath of air in the exhale of my day...and thoughts of diabetes spilled over my wall. It overflowed and broke through the barrier I have built up over the past 4 years that protects me...saves me...hardens me...keeps me as sane as I can possibly be in this life. That wall is pretty sturdy, but tonight the waves of diabetes hate spilled over.
Here we are on the eve of our big road trip back home to Wisconsin to visit my family....and I am fighting low blood sugars. Diabetes doesn't care what is going on in your life. It doesn't care if it's inconvenient. It doesn't care if you need your sleep because you have a 9 hour drive ahead of you tomorrow. It just doesn't care.
So there I stood, staring at Nick Jonas' face and realizing that regardless of how this moment in time is not the most ideal for a low battle to occur.....I don't have a choice. I must suck it up, put on my proverbial boxing gloves, weild my weapon of choice (juice box) and fight on.
I'll sleep when I'm dead.


  1. Right. No choice is right. Diabetes doesnt give you a choice, and doesnt give a damn what else is going on. Its just as demanding as usual. Have a safe trip!

  2. Utterly and completely rude, Diabetes is! No regard for what our needs are or what we need to accomplish....what a jerk!

    Hope your trip is beyond wonderful!

  3. The feelings spill out of me sometimes out of nowhere too. hang in there and yes, sleep when we are dead HEHE