I would like to take this moment to give props to Emma's insulin pump. Today marks 1 year of pumping. One year of having this incredible device attached to her that has made our lives so much easier. Over 121 site changes, a few battery changes, countless adjustments in her ratios and basal rates, and 365 days of freedom.
What a difference a year makes! One year ago today I was scared out of my mind to make this leap from the comfortable place of pen needle injections....into the land of pumping. It was a new path on our diabetic journey. It was unfamiliar and frightening. I didn't think we could do it. I didn't think that I would be able to trust this little pink device that runs on a AA battery to help me keep her alive everyday. I didn't trust myself to know how to operate it and make it work for our lives. I had just gotten to the point of having a tiny shred of confidence in my diabetes management skills, and then there I was about to toss it all up into the air and embark on this new path...clueless, new, and terrifying.
See, diabetes is scary in and of itself. There is no black and white answer to why things happen or what you can do to fix them. You just have to kind of hold on to the little bit of knowledge you have gained from experience and use it whenever you can. You have to keep that confidence and experience in your back pocket and add to it if you happen to gain something new. It's easy to get frustrated and overwhelmed...angry and stressed. It's easy to let yourself slip into that frame of mind. So, when you force yourself to throw caution to the wind and start all over again, it really takes an insane amount of courage. I honestly believe that in order to make it in this D-life, you have to have a certain something special. You have to have that spark...that underlying confidence that you yourself don't necessarily even know exists.
One year ago today, we began this journey of pumping and I haven't looked back once. I love her pump. She loves her pump. Emma has formed a bond and a connection with it that goes beyond just the physical sense. She has named her pump "Jumanji" after one of her favorite movies. She started off on this path being afraid of it and not necessarily wanting to even wear it all the time. She loved it and what it represented....but at the same time she didn't know what to expect. Now I look at her and I see how far she has come...how attached she is to it...how much it means to her. She doesn't like taking it off...she says that she feels naked without it...she misses the familiar comforting weight of it on her hip.
Over the past year, I have learned that I love the pump. I want to say thank you, Jumanji. Thank you for being the most important tool in my D-Mom tool belt. It takes a lot to be a Mom...but to earn that "D" in front of the title....well, that takes guts....it takes bravery beyond measure, heart and perseverance, strength that rivals the Heavyweight champion of the World, and determination....real honest determination that grows from within and courses through your body and mind. Jumanji has shown me that I have earned that "D"...I am capable of keeping my kid alive...I can do it...I am strong and I am determined. Thank you Jumanji for giving us back our freedom. Thank you for making our lives return to being about as close as they were before diagnosis as we could ever hope to get. Thank you for always being there...always figuring out the math for me to determine what precise amount of insulin Emma needs at that particular moment in time. Thank you for all of the things you have alerted me to...the battery changes, the occlusion warnings, the bubbles in your tubing, the bent canula, and the no delivery warning. Thank you for these things because you have taught me that while yes you are incredible....you are also not perfect...so therefore we must act as a team...you, myself, and Emma...we are a team in this. Not one of us can function without the other. Thank you for teaching me that it's ok to trust and have faith. Thank you for all of these things, but most of all I want to thank you for bringing that smile back to my daughter's face. Thank you for making it possible for me to see that smile...that joy...that freedom. Thank you for giving her back the ability to just be a kid. That to me is worth more than any amount of money in the world. Thank you. Happy 1st Birthday Jumanji!