I think one of the more difficult things for me to handle with this disease is the fundraising. It's hard to ask people for money. It's gets harder with each passing year. I think back to the days before Emma was diagnosed, and I can understand other people's point of view on the subject. If diabetes doesn't affect your day to day life...what personal connection would you really have with it? What would make you even want to help out and donate to the cause...to a potential cure? What would make you even care? I mean it's not you living with it....it's not YOUR child. I get it...I understand. I don't think that I would have really given it too much thought honestly and that actually makes me feel a little ashamed to admit now. I definitely have a whole new perspective on the aspect of "causes" and raising funds for a cure. I have walked through the fires and flames of a disease that has no cure. I have experienced that grief and that loss for a basic and yet miraculous bodily function. I have seen the terror in my daughter's eyes as I approach her with a needle and I have felt that sinking feeling...that gaping wound in my heart ripping open and teaching me that nothing in this life is for certain...nothing is guaranteed. I have lived these moments...moments that unless you are the parent of a child with a chronic disease....you would never be able to comprehend and I could never expect you to.
Remember when you were young and your parents would say things to you like, "You'll see one day. You will know. You will understand why we worry about you and why we question you. You'll see." At the time you probably thought they were full of it and just being typical annoying parents. Until one day, you actually had a child of your own....and you did see.....you did get it. Well, it's sort of the same thing as that. I can explain to you, speak with you, share my experiences and stories, blog about it, advocate, and try to educate.............but you could never possibly understand unless you lived it as well. I get that. I respect that. I understand that.
All I ask is that when you see me posting about diabetes, asking for a donation to go towards an organization like JDRF, or simply sharing links to my blog posts......please take a minute to think outside of your own bubble...step away from your own little corner of the universe.
Take a minute to think about how you would behave if it was your child living with this. Would you do the same? Or would you sit idly by and "hope for the best?"
I don't like asking you for money. I don't like asking for help. I don't like asking you to walk beside us in the Walk for a Cure. I don't like feeling that I am complaining about diabetes. I don't like feeling that I am annoying you by sharing our stories. I don't like it. I am not a complainer or a pessimist by nature. I am a good person. Simply put, I am a Mom who is trying to do right by her daughter. Just like you. I am just...like...you. Yes, my situation is slightly different...a little more extreme at times...a little scarier...a little bit more worrisome.....but I am just....like...you.
So, I continue on....asking for money...donations...help. I do it for Emma and for all of the millions of other diabetics in the world. They deserve it. Having to get needles everyday...bleed everyday...it sucks. Counting and measuring everything out...every morsel of food before you put it in your mouth. Having to plan ahead for the simplest of things like going to the park...or having a picnic. Having the word "sleepover" strike fear into your heart. Waking up late or sleeping through your alarm...your heart pounding as you walk into your child's room...holding your breath and hoping that today isn't the day that you find their lifeless body in bed...surrounded by their stuffed animals....lost in the night from diabetes. It may seem like I exaggerate...like I am being a drama queen...making this life seem crazier than it really is...more extreme than it really is..............I only wish that were the case.
So, when you read my posts....please don't just dismiss them. Please don't ignore them and skip on ahead to see what's going on elsewhere...in your world without diabetes. Give me a chance. Give my kid a chance.
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