Accept, Correct, and Move On

I lost today. In fact, if I'm being totally honest....I've lost the past few days. Diabetes has been kickin my ass with high blood sugars for a while now and I think it's a combination of being on vacation in Wisconsin last week visiting my family....and the fact that Emma got injured while we were there. Last Friday we took her to a place called Monkey Joes that is for kids....they have a bunch of bouncy castles and slides and games for kids to play. It's really a neat place! Emma decided to do a flip on one of the bouncy castles though and that's where it all began. She wound up kneeing herself in the forehead somehow and landed the whole maneuver on her head. Now, my kid is not the most graceful...she probably gets that from me actually...but she has taken gymnastics classes since she was almost 3 and knows how to land from a fall...this time though...ahhh...I think it was just the fates turning against us. She crawled out of there crying and holding her neck, poor kid.

Here we are one week later, a nasty bruise on her knee from the impact, neck still sore, a visit to the doctor, X-rays of her spine because said doctor was so concerned, and high blood sugars ever since. I know...we've been doing this for five years now and I shouldn't be surprised...I'm not surprised...just frustrated. I'm frustrated and exhausted...and I feel guilty for being frustrated and exhausted. I mean it's not ME who is having to deal with the blood sugars directly...it's not ME who is walking around with a sore neck...it's her.

Every time we check her blood sugar, I hold my breath a little bit...I think to myself, it's gotta be over now...I've increased basals, I've changed ratios, I've changed her site, I've corrected and rage bolused and set temp basals....it's gotta be a good number now...it has to be.....

....and then it's not....

....it's still high....

mocking me...shouting at me from the meter saying "nah nah na boo boo! I'm still high! Nice try, but you lose!"

I cringe...and I correct...and I set another temp basal...and I take a deep breath and swallow my anger and move on. It's what I have become an expert at over the years....accepting...correcting...and moving on. I wish diabetes would move on already. I'm tired of being the bigger person and always having to be the one to move on.

And then I look at her smiling face...her giggles...her love...and I am greatful for the technology and the ability and the CHANCE to accept...correct...and move on. It's a battle I will fight all the days of my life....because she IS my life.