To me, diabetes isn't about the needles or the blood. It's not about the highs and the lows. It's not about the worry or the fear.
To me, diabetes is about the little things that most people wouldn't even think twice about...things that they take for granted every single day. Things I myself used to take for granted every day. Things like taking a bite of food without thinking twice about how many carbs are in it...or what my blood sugar is...or if I plan on running around at the park after I eat it. Things like sending my kid off to school without a second thought as to whether or not she will be ok and survive the day. Things like sleep....going to sleep...and just sleeping without a single thought of her numbers running through my mind. Things like sending her outside to play on a warm summer day and seeing her friend hand out freezies or Popsicles to the kids they are playing with....all of the kids except for mine...because she didn't know if she could have one too...because she didn't know the carbs in it or if she should bolus because she was playing and active. Just knowing that she was the only one not to partake in a typical and simple summer day kid occurrence....because she has to think twice...she wasn't sure...so she didn't have one....ahh...that kills me. To think that a stupid freezie has the ability to piss me off and make me sad for my kid...well, it's just absurd....but it's real...it's true...it's valid....and it's the way life is for us.
Diabetes is about those little things.....those moments that we all take for granted....all of us EXCEPT for the ones who live with diabetes in there house.
I know I have a choice in how I react to moments like these. I know I can choose to focus on the positives...the fact that she made a smart choice in that moment and decided not to eat a freezie because she wasn't sure. She could have just ate one. She could have had it and not said a word to me about it. But she didn't. She chose not to eat one because she was unsure....and that's ok...that's smart...that's what I need to focus on...the fact that she chose wisely and kept herself safe. I should focus on the fact that she had fun playing in the sun with kids...laughing...being a kid...and she didn't have a low blood sugar...she didn't let diabetes stop her.
I should focus on that.
But right here...right now...in this very moment....I'm focusing on the stupid freezie that she didn't eat...and it's upsetting and annoying and heartbreaking and maddening all rolled into one.
I'll get over it. I told her what to do next time if it happens again.....eat the freezie if you want one.
But for now....I am allowing myself a moment to hate the freezie she didn't eat.
I'm allowing myself a moment to hate diabetes and all the little things it affects.
Just for a moment.
And that's ok.