Sometimes I feel like a total complete outcast. I feel like I am an alien walking around on Earth and no one understands me and I can't relate to the madness and it's overwhelming and I just don't get it. I try my hardest to understand...but it's pointless. I am a firm believer in allowing everyone to have their own opinion. I am a firm believer in the "to each his own" mentality. I am probably one of the most accepting and easy going people you will ever meet. I guess that is why I am naive in thinking that the rest of the world would treat me the same way? I don't know....I just feel like I don't belong sometimes. I feel like I am that shy quiet kid who tries to not make eye contact with anyone as they walk down the crowded hallway at high school. I feel the weirdness. I feel the difference. I feel like if they all really knew the thoughts that go on in my head, that they would treat me differently than they already do. I feel like if I don't keep up with the easy Amy....the laughing, the fun, the jokes....the never serious...no discussion...no sharing of my opinions......that I will wind up standing in that dark dusty corner of the hall....alone....standing there in my weirdness.
I can't relate to friends that don't live with diabetes in their house. I even can't relate to some friends that do live with it. I feel torn between two world's sometimes. I feel like if I talk "too much" about this disease that people will think that I have no life outside of this disease. I feel like if I don't "talk enough" about it, that people will think that I am not serious about my daughter's health. I feel like if I am not making jokes or laughing that people will think there is something wrong....and judge me...
I guess I just wish that the rest of the world was as accepting........but I know that will never happen. It's a viscious circle really.....I want the acceptance...but I want to accept them for who they are too....but I want the same respect that I give out...but the close minded are incapabale of respect. I guess it all boils down to the overwhelming need I have to do everything in my power to ensure that my kid will be accepted and respected....and allowed to have her own opinion without being judged.
Ugh....my brain hurts and clearly I overthink things. Sorry....I just had to get this out.