The older I get, the more I have come to realize that the word "family" means many things to me. Of course it includes the typical parents, grandparents, etc., but it also includes so many more important people in my life too. Friends are right up there on the list naturally. There are also a couple of people that are in our lives that are sort of related and sort of not...lol...I know it's confusing, but that's sort of how my family is. It's quite the blended family I suppose, which I think is nice.
Anyway, today Emma and I went to the pumpkin patch with some of my most favorite people around. The Mom, Grandma, and brother of my 2 nieces stopped by and picked us up to head out for some Halloween fun. Sandy (the Mom) and Lil(Grandma) are two of the most caring people I have ever met. Without fail they always ask about Emma and how she is doing. They are always there to support her with her fundraisers for JDRF. They are down to earth, honest to goodness caring people. It's not everyday that you come across people like them...and I am so greatful that they are in our lives.
We had a little getting lost on the way there driving fun...walked around in the sun and talked while the kids played on the bales of hay set up everywhere, tractor ride through the field, face paint, corn maze (got lost again...lol!), and even saw some farm animals. It was a great day!
I have really learned too that kids are better judges of character than most people. They seem to have a sixth sense about it and are naturally drawn to those who have that special spark...that warm caring heart...those that are truly good people. When the day was over and it was time for Emma to get to bed, I walked up to her room with her to tuck her in and say goodnight. I've found that this is usually the time of day when she will say whatever's on her mind...something that was important to her that happened that day...something that happened to her...something that she needs to get off her chest. So, I usually hang back a little bit and let her bring whatever is on her mind up to me in her own way. Well, tonight as she lay her head down on her pillow, she looked up at me with her big brown eyes and said that she had a really great time today at the pumpkin patch with everyone. She told me that she knows that she isn't really really related to Sandy and Lil...but she feels like she is anyway. She told me that she thinks that Sandy is her funniest Aunt ever and that she wished that Lil was her Grandma too because she is SO nice. I told her that if she feels in her heart that they are family...then they ARE...simple as that. I told her that it doesn't matter who is in her life and has the "title" of being an actual family member through blood or marriage. If she feels that special spark in her heart when she thinks of them or is with them....then they ARE her family. So many people in the world put so much emphasis on the title or the label they are given or already have. Even more people take that title for granted and don't really live up to it in our eyes. So, I think it is important to hold on to those special people we meet in life that give us that family feeling. Hold on to it and be greatful for it.
Saturday, October 8, 2011
Friday, October 7, 2011
No D Day
Today is No D-Day...a fantastic idea that George over at Ninjabetic came up with. A day for not talking about the big D in our lives.
So, I normally have much to say...er write about...but I think I am going to let this picture speak for itself in regards to the awesome day we had today. I hope you all have a fantastic weekend!
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
JDRF Ride for Research...brought me to tears
I just got back from the JDRF Ride for Research today. It was our first time attending one and I have to say that it was awesome! It was a whole different experience from the Walk. There was a huge tent set up in the middle of downtown with a bunch of stationary bikes inside. Most all of the participants were from the corporate world...bankers, insurance peeps, etc. I couldn't help but giggle at the sight of these people showing up wearing their team shirts, crazy colored wigs, and feather boas. We even caught sight of a few men sporting the tiara princess look! These are people who get up in the morning, put on their suits and ties, business dress, and carry around a briefcase...talking about crunching numbers and making mergers all day long....it was quite the sight actually. I looked around at the sea of brightly colored people...laughing, dancing, shaking pom poms...and I was struck by the spirit of it all. It was incredible to think that most all of these people that I have never met and would never really interact with seeing as how I am just a stay at home Mom...well, we all have this common bond...this common force that drives us to do things like this and be involved in the spirit behind it....diabetes. It sounds cheesy, but I could really feel the love in the air.
Anyway, during the event Emma and the other JDRF ambassador for this year were up on stage speaking and thanking the riders for supporting us. It always hits me hard when I see my little girl...7 years old...standing there on stage in front of a crowd of people...being involved in something greater than herself. It reminds me of just how much this disease has matured her and forced her to grow up ahead of her time and think beyond her years. After the speeches, a couple of the major fundraisers (both happened to be banks...TD Canada Trust and RBC bank) came up on stage to present their giant oversized cheques to Emma and the other ambassador. One was for $2,500 and the other was for $14,000....amazing. I stood there off to the side of the stage...in my usual position...trying to keep an eye on Emma's face to seek out potential lows looking to interrupt the festivities...trying to not be in her face and in the midst of what's going on...just staying on the sidelines keeping watch. I stood there watching these bankers hand the cheque for $14,000 to Emma and stand next to her for pictures...and such a feeling of love, gratitude, and pride came over me that I could no longer hold back the tears. I stood there smiling (probably the cheesiest proud Momma smile on the planet I'm sure) and I felt the tears spill over and roll down my cheeks. It was a very emotional moment for me. I looked around at the faces in the crowd as they were riding...competing against each other to get the most distance rode in the set amount of time. There were faces full of smiles and laughter, faces that were red from exhertion and even one man in particular who had the fiercest look of determination on his face...sweat pouring from his cheeks and dropping to the ground below his feet. I couldn't help but stare at him...stare and wonder how diabetes affects his life...if it was him personally who has it or a family member...maybe he was the father of a diabetic kiddo too. I don't know. I didn't ask him. I didn't want to interrupt his moment...his determination...his fight. I knew simply by the look on his face...the fight in his eyes...that he was doing this...he was putting his heart into it. I was in awe just standing there watching him. I will never forget the look on his face. I will never forget the love I felt underneath that tent. I will never forget the immense feeling of support for my child from all of these people. One woman there actually pulled Emma aside at one point and hugged her...she told her that all of these people were here to help her...they were all here to support her...they all loved her. How amazing. It's an indescribable feeling...getting to witness the true human spirit...the goodness...the caring...the support and the compassion. I'm so greatful that we were able to be there.
Anyway, during the event Emma and the other JDRF ambassador for this year were up on stage speaking and thanking the riders for supporting us. It always hits me hard when I see my little girl...7 years old...standing there on stage in front of a crowd of people...being involved in something greater than herself. It reminds me of just how much this disease has matured her and forced her to grow up ahead of her time and think beyond her years. After the speeches, a couple of the major fundraisers (both happened to be banks...TD Canada Trust and RBC bank) came up on stage to present their giant oversized cheques to Emma and the other ambassador. One was for $2,500 and the other was for $14,000....amazing. I stood there off to the side of the stage...in my usual position...trying to keep an eye on Emma's face to seek out potential lows looking to interrupt the festivities...trying to not be in her face and in the midst of what's going on...just staying on the sidelines keeping watch. I stood there watching these bankers hand the cheque for $14,000 to Emma and stand next to her for pictures...and such a feeling of love, gratitude, and pride came over me that I could no longer hold back the tears. I stood there smiling (probably the cheesiest proud Momma smile on the planet I'm sure) and I felt the tears spill over and roll down my cheeks. It was a very emotional moment for me. I looked around at the faces in the crowd as they were riding...competing against each other to get the most distance rode in the set amount of time. There were faces full of smiles and laughter, faces that were red from exhertion and even one man in particular who had the fiercest look of determination on his face...sweat pouring from his cheeks and dropping to the ground below his feet. I couldn't help but stare at him...stare and wonder how diabetes affects his life...if it was him personally who has it or a family member...maybe he was the father of a diabetic kiddo too. I don't know. I didn't ask him. I didn't want to interrupt his moment...his determination...his fight. I knew simply by the look on his face...the fight in his eyes...that he was doing this...he was putting his heart into it. I was in awe just standing there watching him. I will never forget the look on his face. I will never forget the love I felt underneath that tent. I will never forget the immense feeling of support for my child from all of these people. One woman there actually pulled Emma aside at one point and hugged her...she told her that all of these people were here to help her...they were all here to support her...they all loved her. How amazing. It's an indescribable feeling...getting to witness the true human spirit...the goodness...the caring...the support and the compassion. I'm so greatful that we were able to be there.
Tuesday, October 4, 2011
My guilt suitcase
Ok, so we are over 3 years into this life of diabetes and there is one thing that still seems to stick around and get me at least a couple of times a week. I'm curious if any of you find yourselves running into the same situation....
Guilt...the big G word...it's so bad that it has one more letter than the infamous "4 letter words" many of us use on a daily basis. In the beginning days of this, I found myself battling the guilt monster over everything...even just the simple fact that she has diabetes...I felt the overwhelming guilt weight spread out across my back and I carried it around with me everywhere I went. I knew in my head that it wasn't my fault that she got it, but my heart...oh my heart left that nagging questioning guilt floating around. Since then I have actually come to terms with the simple fact that no...it wasn't my fault...it just happened...plain and simple...it was just the hand we were dealt.
As the years have flown by, I have pretty well managed to dump a lot out of the ol' suitcase of guilt that I carry with me. However, there has been one thing that just wouldn't seem to leave me! Here is a prime example of it....
This afternoon before I went to get Emma for lunch, I grabbed a juicebox for myself because I was feeling a little bit low...shaky...nauseous...the whole deal. Well, I finished most of it and headed out the door to grab the boss lady from school and get her some lunch. We came home and she walked into the living room to discover the juicebox sitting there on the coffee table. She loudly shouted to me, "MOMMY! who's juice is that? Can I have one?"....my first thoughts were UGH...I forgot to hide the evidence. I don't know how you all handle juice in your house, but since Emma was diagnosed, I rarely give her juice unless of courses she is low. It's kind of strange to think of juice as more of a medicine now than the sweet tangy goodness that it is. I just find it too difficult to manage the spike afterwards, so I rarely will give it to her (again...unless she is low)....and especially not when I would be sending her back to school where I wouldn't be able to keep a close eye on her. I usually try to steer her towards crystal light or something else like that if she is in a juicey mood...which thankfully isn't often...she's more of a water drinker anyway.
Anyway, as I felt the guilt suitcase weighing my back down...I started thinking...there I was, standing there, feeling guilty about leaving a juicebox on the table and getting "busted" by her. I realized how ridiculous it was....harboring guilt over a juicebox. Yes, I was reminded once again that food and drink do not necessarily hold the same meaning for me now as they did years ago. I was reminded that no matter how hard I try to make it not so...we are different...we MUST be different to survive...to thrive. I realized that I am ok with being different. I realized that my kid really doesn't care as much as I thought she did about things like this. I realized that she really is a whole lot more reasonable and logical than I give her credit for. I'm ok with the juicebox guilt leaving me for good now...I can't believe I've kept it with me for this long. Maybe I'm a slow learner...lol
It's nice to feel this guilt suitcase getting lighter as the years go by. I think it might be time to switch to a carry-on bag instead...lol
Guilt...the big G word...it's so bad that it has one more letter than the infamous "4 letter words" many of us use on a daily basis. In the beginning days of this, I found myself battling the guilt monster over everything...even just the simple fact that she has diabetes...I felt the overwhelming guilt weight spread out across my back and I carried it around with me everywhere I went. I knew in my head that it wasn't my fault that she got it, but my heart...oh my heart left that nagging questioning guilt floating around. Since then I have actually come to terms with the simple fact that no...it wasn't my fault...it just happened...plain and simple...it was just the hand we were dealt.
As the years have flown by, I have pretty well managed to dump a lot out of the ol' suitcase of guilt that I carry with me. However, there has been one thing that just wouldn't seem to leave me! Here is a prime example of it....
This afternoon before I went to get Emma for lunch, I grabbed a juicebox for myself because I was feeling a little bit low...shaky...nauseous...the whole deal. Well, I finished most of it and headed out the door to grab the boss lady from school and get her some lunch. We came home and she walked into the living room to discover the juicebox sitting there on the coffee table. She loudly shouted to me, "MOMMY! who's juice is that? Can I have one?"....my first thoughts were UGH...I forgot to hide the evidence. I don't know how you all handle juice in your house, but since Emma was diagnosed, I rarely give her juice unless of courses she is low. It's kind of strange to think of juice as more of a medicine now than the sweet tangy goodness that it is. I just find it too difficult to manage the spike afterwards, so I rarely will give it to her (again...unless she is low)....and especially not when I would be sending her back to school where I wouldn't be able to keep a close eye on her. I usually try to steer her towards crystal light or something else like that if she is in a juicey mood...which thankfully isn't often...she's more of a water drinker anyway.
Anyway, as I felt the guilt suitcase weighing my back down...I started thinking...there I was, standing there, feeling guilty about leaving a juicebox on the table and getting "busted" by her. I realized how ridiculous it was....harboring guilt over a juicebox. Yes, I was reminded once again that food and drink do not necessarily hold the same meaning for me now as they did years ago. I was reminded that no matter how hard I try to make it not so...we are different...we MUST be different to survive...to thrive. I realized that I am ok with being different. I realized that my kid really doesn't care as much as I thought she did about things like this. I realized that she really is a whole lot more reasonable and logical than I give her credit for. I'm ok with the juicebox guilt leaving me for good now...I can't believe I've kept it with me for this long. Maybe I'm a slow learner...lol
It's nice to feel this guilt suitcase getting lighter as the years go by. I think it might be time to switch to a carry-on bag instead...lol
What makes me happy lately
I must be in a poetic mood lately...it makes me happy though...so here goes...
beauty floods my ears with a ravenous rush
taking over every thought
every step...every breath...every beat
waiting for that one melody
the one chord
the one perfect note that leaps out at me...through me
quietly search...trying to find
my carefully hidden heart
beneath the rubble and wreckage that lies within
behind the looming wall I've created
of each minute lost
tossed from the edge of the windswept cliff
crumbling and broken...searching for the day
seeking out the comfort and warmth
while not losing sight of the spark
the light...the fire within
beauty floods my ears with a ravenous rush
taking over every thought
every step...every breath...every beat
waiting for that one melody
the one chord
the one perfect note that leaps out at me...through me
quietly search...trying to find
my carefully hidden heart
beneath the rubble and wreckage that lies within
behind the looming wall I've created
of each minute lost
tossed from the edge of the windswept cliff
crumbling and broken...searching for the day
seeking out the comfort and warmth
while not losing sight of the spark
the light...the fire within
Sunday, October 2, 2011
Sunday Poem for my D-Momma's
When you're lost floating out in the abyss
lying back upon your raft
moonlight shining like a kiss
upon your skin with a cold bitter draft
When you're floating through the murky mist
darkness enveloping your every thought
softly screaming out your list
realizing it's all for naught.
When you're drifting away to the middle of nowhere
frantic passion taking hold
losing sight of what is fair
grasping onto what must be bold.
Remember to look ahead
Paddle ever onward fingers out
Face the unknown not with dread
Be brave, strong, confident, and never doubt.
lying back upon your raft
moonlight shining like a kiss
upon your skin with a cold bitter draft
When you're floating through the murky mist
darkness enveloping your every thought
softly screaming out your list
realizing it's all for naught.
When you're drifting away to the middle of nowhere
frantic passion taking hold
losing sight of what is fair
grasping onto what must be bold.
Remember to look ahead
Paddle ever onward fingers out
Face the unknown not with dread
Be brave, strong, confident, and never doubt.
The morning after
After our crazy day full of diabetic shenanigans yesterday, I was left with sort of a blah numb feeling about it all. I was understandably stressed out and my nerves were shot.
This morning I woke up at 10:30 to the sound of Emma giggling about 2 inches from my face. I opened my eyes to see her smiling face and she immediately gave me a kiss and said "good morning Mommy!" Shawn had gotten up with her and did the pancreatic duties for the morning seeing as how didn't have to work this weekend. It was perfect. I felt rested. I felt happy. I felt loved. I have the best husband on the planet and the sweetest daughter around.
I made my way downstairs with Emma and the phone rang...it turned out to be the pharmacist, Lashen. I had gone there last night to return the box of defective insulin cartridges and get a brand new box to replace them. He was calling to check on us. He was calling to see how Emma was and to see if she was ok...he wanted to know how her blood sugars were today. Once again, I felt happy...I felt loved...I felt the warm fuzzies once again as I sat there holding the phone to my ear. I am always caught off guard when things like this happen. I was in awe...I was beyond greatful that this man who is of no relation to us...a man who has a very busy life of his very own full of his own kinds of stresses and worries and demands...this man took the first 5 minutes of his day at work to pick up the phone and call us...to make sure that my daughter was ok. Incredible. He is definitely one of those true, honest to goodness, caring souls out there in the world. He could have just as easily made a note to talk with us about what happened on the next time we happened to be in his store. He could have just brushed it off as an unfortunate occurance. He could have not even given it a second thought and just went on about his business of starting his work day....but he didn't...he called us.
I love being reminded that there really are people out there like this man. It's a good feeling and it makes me realize how lucky we are to have them in our lives. It makes living this diabetic life just a little bit more bearable...a little bit easier. It takes a little bit more of that weight off of my heavy heart in moments of panic. I'm greatful. We are lucky. Thank you Lashen for going above and beyond and treating us like human beings instead of just customers.
This morning I woke up at 10:30 to the sound of Emma giggling about 2 inches from my face. I opened my eyes to see her smiling face and she immediately gave me a kiss and said "good morning Mommy!" Shawn had gotten up with her and did the pancreatic duties for the morning seeing as how didn't have to work this weekend. It was perfect. I felt rested. I felt happy. I felt loved. I have the best husband on the planet and the sweetest daughter around.
I made my way downstairs with Emma and the phone rang...it turned out to be the pharmacist, Lashen. I had gone there last night to return the box of defective insulin cartridges and get a brand new box to replace them. He was calling to check on us. He was calling to see how Emma was and to see if she was ok...he wanted to know how her blood sugars were today. Once again, I felt happy...I felt loved...I felt the warm fuzzies once again as I sat there holding the phone to my ear. I am always caught off guard when things like this happen. I was in awe...I was beyond greatful that this man who is of no relation to us...a man who has a very busy life of his very own full of his own kinds of stresses and worries and demands...this man took the first 5 minutes of his day at work to pick up the phone and call us...to make sure that my daughter was ok. Incredible. He is definitely one of those true, honest to goodness, caring souls out there in the world. He could have just as easily made a note to talk with us about what happened on the next time we happened to be in his store. He could have just brushed it off as an unfortunate occurance. He could have not even given it a second thought and just went on about his business of starting his work day....but he didn't...he called us.
I love being reminded that there really are people out there like this man. It's a good feeling and it makes me realize how lucky we are to have them in our lives. It makes living this diabetic life just a little bit more bearable...a little bit easier. It takes a little bit more of that weight off of my heavy heart in moments of panic. I'm greatful. We are lucky. Thank you Lashen for going above and beyond and treating us like human beings instead of just customers.
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