Write what you know

They say write what you know...so here goes...this is what I know...

I know that I want another baby, but my husband does not...and this is something I have struggled with every single day for years now.

I know that I get my feelings hurt by others actions and words far too easily...and it makes me mad that I still haven't learned the lesson to not care...

I know that I would do anything for my friends and I love them with all my heart, but it hurts me to feel like I don't have that one friend I just have to call when something happens in my life. I don't have that one person who I can call or go see and know that they won't judge me...or spend the whole time talking about themselves. I don't have that one person who would come over to surprise me on a random day with balloons...just because they were thinking of me and wanted to surprise me. I have a lot of extremely caring friends and like I said, I love them more than I can explain....but I don't have that one specific person...my person...and it makes me sad.

I know that at least once a day I feel like I'm failing as a Mom. I try my best to teach my daughter how to be a good person...a kind person...but sometimes I feel like my best isn't good enough.

I know that the older I get, the more I realize that sometimes choosing happy takes a lot more effort than just sitting there in silence and letting the world carry on around you.

I know that diabetes is hard. Ignorance about diabetes is hard. Being a pancreas for your child is hard.

I know that everybody's a critic.

I know that meeting the friends that live inside my computer for the first time...is one of my most favorite things. To hug them and know that they get it....they know...they live it too...to feel that D-Mom bond beneath your arms...it's comforting. It feels like coming home....like you've been travelling a long distance and finally made your way back home...walking through the door into your warm kitchen...well lit...cozy...smelling like homemade cookies.....comforting.

I know that I'm a good person. I'm a good Mom. I'm a good pancreas. I'm a good friend.

I know that I'm tired.

I know that I can't wait for the day to come when I have nothing left to say that needs to come out in a diabetes blog post.