Do you know what I think is weird? How I really have no experience parenting a child that does not have diabetes. I mean sure...Emma wasnt diagnosed until she was 4, but still. It wasnt enough time...it's never enough time I suppose.
Sometimes I wonder what it's like. I wonder what it would be like to have a child that does not have diabetes. Would life be easier? Sure...most definitely. But would it be....better, somehow? No, I can't say that I think it would be. I wonder what it would be like to have another child...for Emma to have a sibling without diabetes. Would Emma feel different? Would she be different? Right now in her life...she is the only child in the house...the only one with type 1 diabetes. There is not a constant in her face reminder that her childhood is different.
I wonder what it would be like to give someone food without measuring it...without counting the carbs in it. I wonder what it would be like to leave the house.....and just
leave...
the...
house...
not make sure I grab the meter and snacks for in case of low blood sugars...and the glucagon kit....and my cell phone...and...and...and....sigh.
I wonder what it would be like to never utter the words bolus or site change or check your finger. I wonder what it would be like to send my kid off to school...or gymnastics...or a birthday party...or a sleepover...and not have to pre-plan everything...and not have to wonder and worry if she is going to have a low blood sugar and die. I wonder what it would be like to go to bed at night and....just...sleep.
Mostly I wonder what it would be like to live free....free from this burden...this inconvenience...this annoyance...this weight upon my shoulders....this pressure...this responsibility to keep her alive every second of every single day...free from this insanity.
I imagine that it would feel light...and airy...and calm.
I imagine that it would feel sweet...ironic choice of words and all...but true, nonetheless.
I can tell you that Bean totally knows that Bug doesn't have to do and deal with the crap. Sometimes that weighs on her and I hate that for her.
ReplyDeleteWe do get a teeny tiny taste of the sweet life when Bean is at camp...though my thoughts always drift to D stuff. It is nice to just leave the house or just grab a snack or not set an alarm for the wee hours.
I find that when Im making the kids plates I weight and messure everything for Ryan and somehow always end up meassuring the girls food too. I guess its just easier to serve a half cup of rice to 3 then it is for 1 and a scoop for the others.
ReplyDeleteMy biggest challenge has been making sure that he doesnt get all the attention. I find that Im constatly checking on him and asking him how he is and the girls dont get that. I worry that they are going to resent that he gets more of my time then they do.