my OCD issues with diabetes

So, I've noticed something for a while...and i thought i would talk about it today to see if other people out there do the same thing? or if i am just a weirdo? lolol. Anyway, in my life I have never really been one for following the clock or sticking to a set schedule during the day. I have always just kind of been a "go with the flow" type of person until that day of diagnoses...June 26, 2008. Well, since then I have found myself slowly starting to become OCD to a certain extent about certain things! It's odd because I know that I am doing these things...and I know they are ridiculous...and yet I still keep doing them. For example...I have a little Hannah Montana lunchbox that I keep all of Emma's supplies in...rapid, lantus, glucagon, juicebox, etc. Well, I have this intense fear that I will accidentally give Emma her rapid needle when I was supposed to give her the lantus. (which i actually HAVE done once! ugh!) So began the OCD issues I now have. I have to put the needle pens one on top of each other so I always know that the one on top is the rapid and the lantus is on the bottom. I also have to keep her insulin in the same drawer in the refrigerator because that is the drawer i first put them in to begin with. I have issues with changing blood sugar meters or even changing lancet devices because i have to use the same one that i first learned on in the hospital. It's all ridiculous to me in my head...I am positive that nothing bad would happen if I got her a different brand meter or lancet device...or if i decided to move the insulin to another spot in the fridge...and yet i still do these things and think these things! I wonder how many diabetics and parents of diabetics out there have actually become this way or similar since diabetes came into their lives? Diabetes just seems to be the gift that keeps on giving! Just when you thought that you have really opened up that last little nugget of info about diabetes...BAM!...there's something new for ya. Enough is enough already though! I always get that little snippit in my head from the G.I. Joe cartoons that were on when i was a kid..."Knowing is half the battle..." I suppose because I am a child of the 80's! Well, yea it's important to know...knowledge is power...but SHEESH!...i never signed up for this stupid diabetes ride! I think I need a vacation....lol

hot chocolate and gold stars

So seeing as how we are quickly approaching October which will follow right into November...I've been starting to think about having our 3rd Annual Hot Chocolate Sale to raise money for JDRF. I can't believe this will be our 3rd year of doing this...time sure does fly when you are checking blood sugars and giving needles. The Hot Chocolate Sale always gives me mixed emotions...I am so overwhelmingly proud of Emma for coming up with the idea to do this after only a few months of being diagnosed. She was 4 years old at the time and saw an episode of "Max and Ruby" where they had a lemonade stand and asked me if she could have a lemonade stand too but she wanted to give all the money to the people looking for a cure for her diabetes. I definitely lucked out in the kid department! This fundraiser also makes me feel depressed too though...sad that this will in fact be the 3rd year and there still is no cure for this disease...sad that in doing this i go out and meet people face to face and ask them for donations of hot chocolate and cups and more often than not I get told NO. I try not to let it bother me...but i really think it is just pathetic how human nature is. Most people don't want to help with a charity unless it directly affects their own personal lives or in the case of businesses-if it brings them some sort of publicity. What ever happened to helping someone just because you cared...just because you could...just because it is the right thing to do? It starts to wear on me after the first dozen or so "NO"s that I get...i just don't get how businesses can say no to donating something as cheap and simple as a container or hot chocolate or a thing of paper cups? Tim Horton's is a major corp. in Canada and you would not believe how insensitive and unwilling to help they are. I know big businesses get asked for help all the time...but seriously?? You can't spare a sleeve of paper cups? Anyway...this fundraiser also makes me feel excited....excited about the future of diabetes research and knowing that we are helping. Our little hot chocolate sale may only be a small small event in the grand scheme of things...but it makes me feel good to know that my daughter will one day be able to say 'i did my part to help...and now i no longer have diabetes' So, in the meantime i will begin my journey again...going into every tim hortons...every grocery store...every restaurant...asking for them to help. It definitely brings out my creative side though trying to come up with ways to convince them to give me what i need...give me some cups and i will say your name on tv!! give me some cups AND hot chocolate and i will wear an entire outfit with your name all over it and tell the world how totally generous you are and present you with a trophy and give you a kiss and rent out a billboard telling everyone to shop at your store and if you are really really generous, i will even give you a gold star!!! UGH...people are exhausting. Anyway, wish me luck and if you have any ideas or contacts that would be willing to help us out...i would be greatful...and say thank you very much..:o) Will keep you posted on when in November we will be having the sale again!

Sick Days...exhausting and disgusting...lol

So, I haven't posted anything in a while...reason being is that the majority of last week Emma was home from school sick. As we all know, sick days for diabetics are SO much more exciting then usual! In any case...she is on the mend and will be back to school again tomorrow thankfully. I have come to realize though that since diabetes has come into our lives, each time Emma gets sick...I actually learn something new. Well, this time was no different...except that the person learning something new was Emma instead of me! She had large amounts of ketone at the beginning of last week along with a fever...so I was constantly using the fabulous Ketostix to test her urine. I quickly became annoyed with that whole process of kneeling before her on the toilet and holding the stick at the very end of it to avoid getting peed on. Especially since my daughter has an odd sense of humour and laughs hysterically whenever pee does land on my hand! So, being the caring and nurturing mommy that I am...i decided that it was high time for my 6 yr old to learn how to test her own urine for ketones! Well, Emma caught on quickly and had no problems figuring out how to pee on the stick and check the colour of it to the chart on the bottle to see how much ketones, if any, she had. Believe it or not...this was a huge help to me! With all of the needles, finger pokes, temperature checks, tylenol dosages for fevers, cold cloths on forehead, pushing fluids....it was just nice to have one less thing on my plate to do! All that being said....i failed to remember that she is in fact only 6! That fact came back to me very quickly when i realized that she had decided to check her urine EVERY single time she went potty last week...and now we are nearly out of ketostix. I also heard her mention something about if she could check her POO for ketones....ummm...GROSS! Ahhh the joys of sick days with a diabetic kid....do they ever get easier??

what's in a name

Happy Tuesday everyone! So, over the past 2 years of Emma being diagnosed we have certainly come across some ignorant people who have no problem at all sharing their opinion on what we "should" be doing. The cream of the crop in ignorance actually contacted me shortly after our 1st Hot Chocolate Sale that we held to raise money for JDRF. He saw my name in the newspaper article and decided to look me up and give me a call! Proceeded to tell me that he had a magical book that would cure my daughter and we would never have to worry about diabetes again! Needless to say, I was a bit skeptical and decided to hang up...lol. Anyway, i have recently come across a slightly less ignorant person that I would like to talk about at this time. There is a Grade 2 student from Emma's school who actually is also in her gymnastics class. She seems like a very nice little girl who just so happens to have a mom with very little common sense. This mother started talking to me one day at gymnastics while we were watching the girls. She told me that her daughter referred to my daughter as "Emma with diabetes". At first, i just chuckled and thought it was cute because there does seem to be quite a few Emma's at school and that was one way to distinguish which one is my Emma. Well, the mother continued on to tell me that she was SO sorry her daughter said that and didn't want her to be making fun of Emma's handicap! .....i will pause for a moment so you can soak that last statement in.....................yes, she called Emma's diabetes a "handicap"...lolol...it took everything in my power and self-control not to burst out laughing hysterically in her face. Handicap? Making fun? I understand my daughter's pancreas doesn't function like HER daughter's pancreas...however, i never would have classified it as being a "handicapped pancreas". I just keep getting this image in my head of a cartoon-like pancreas riding around in a wheelchair inside Emma's body...lol. This all brings me to my point of what is really in a name? Does it really matter what someone refers to my daughter's diabetes as? Why is it that most people seem to not have that all-important filter that is between their brain and mouth? How did the world become so ignorant? How do these people function on a daily basis without hurting themselves? I think the world needs a few more compassionate people and a few less ignorant ones...Needless to say, whenever I see this mother out on the playground now waiting to pick up her kid after school...she kind of pretends like I am not even there. Nice....lolol...I think I like it better that way. Based on my reaction and snickering to her "handicap" comment, maybe I had some part in making her realize she tends to say stupid things...one person down, 1 billion to go! Or maybe she's just an idiot.....lol

when the phone rings

Monday again...start of another school week already. This year Emma is in Grade 1 which is a big change because she goes every day all day long now. Nice for me to have a break...but I wonder if i will ever get to the point where I don't have a teeny tiny heart attack every time the phone rings during the day because I think it is her school phoning to tell me she is low and to please come down there. Diabetes is awesome like that...it's always with you even when the actual diabetic person is not! It's always around...always there...sometimes loud and obnoxious with high's and lows...and other times it's just kind of hanging out in the back of your mind relaxing and waiting for the most inconvenient time to make your life hell. (like when you are driving down the 401 to Toronto on a Friday afternoon and forgot to bring a juicebox along) Sometimes I wish i could just install a light switch in my brain to turn it off. But alas...i don't think the brain switches have been invented yet! So, for now when diabetes is loud and in my face making Emma's blood sugars high or low...i just go to my happy place...lolol...on the beach with Johnny Depp drinking margaritas with those cute little umbrellas in them. Getting back to the subject at hand though...the phone calls during the day drive me mad. Man am i glad im not a telemarketer calling my house...

My open letter to Diabetes

i wrote this letter quite a while ago...but wanted to add it to my blog...hope it will help someone who can relate to this...

Dear Diabetes,

I am writing you this note because I am sick of hating you. I want to lay it all out in this letter and be done with you. From the first moment you came into my daughter's life, I have hated you with every fiber of my being. You have terrified me every single day for the past year and a half. You have caused my daughter pain on a daily basis. You have stolen her freedom. You have stolen her ability to just live like any other kid out there. No matter how hard I try to make it not so and ignore it, you have made it difficult for her to "fit in" and be exactly like her friends. You have caused her at 5 years of age to know what carbs, insulin, blood sugars, and glucagon are.
You have always been this image in my head of a big ugly scary monster who is relentless and always fighting me. No matter how hard I try to push you down and KEEP you down...you always get back up ten times stronger and ready to fight again. Well, let me tell you something...I am Emma's mommy...I will NEVER stay down or give in or let you win. She is MINE...she does not belong to you and I won't let you win. I will fight you to the end and i won't stop until a cure is found. I will fight for Emma until my last breath to make sure she comes out on top and is able to live a LONG and healthy life with no complications. I may falter sometimes and make mistakes...but I learn fast and never lose hope. So, try as hard as you want...I guarantee you that you won't win.
So, since I am trying to let go of my hatred for you (because hatred is poison and will only benefit YOU in the end)...i want to turn it around and tell you all that I am thankful for because of you. Thank you for teaching me patience. Thank you for teaching me about healthier eating. Thank you for teaching me about being prepared. Thank you for making me realize that I CAN do anything regardless of the circumstances. Thank you for always being there and forcing me to compromise and think outside the box in an unusual situation. THank you for showing me how to be so in tune with Emma's body that I can know that something is wrong just by hearing her breathe over the baby monitor or glancing at her across the room and seeing a certain look in her eye. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for teaching me that life really is too short and the ONLY thing that matters in life is the love you have for your family. All of life's every day occurances and annoyances are meaningless. Being 20 min. late to something is nothing to get worked up about. Getting stuck in traffic is laughable. Wars, taxes, politics, Hollywood, money, gas prices, all of it.....is totally and completely meaningless! You have taught me that all of that stuff is just the miniscule crumbs in the great loaf of bread that is life...lolol. Loving your family and your kids is the good stuff...the important stuff. You have taught me that spending the day with Emma playing hopscotch or coloring is more important that anything. Seeing her smile is so great that no words can describe how it feels. So, thank you for that.
I have hated you for too long and I am done. I know you will always be there with us...and i accept that. I may not ever get over being scared of you...but that is ok. At least I am over hating you.

Sincerely,
Amy

and so it begins...

So, i decided to start a blog for a couple of reasons...(A) I have a 6 year old daughter who was diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes 2 years ago and I would love to share some of our daily struggles and triumphs with this stupid disease...and (2) I've been told that I am a good writer and have a good sense of humour...so we shall see! Anyway, for my first post I would like to bring up something that I have been thinking of since last night. As I am sure many of you out there do, I was waiting up until 1:00am to check my daughter, Emma's blood sugar so i could go to sleep and not lay there wondering if she would go low overnight. I was sitting there wondering how in the world I am able to function on such little sleep? How did I manage to run my errands that day, clean the fish tank, and clean the litter box, take Emma to her piano lesson, and her 2 hour long gymnastics class without messing anything up? How did I manage not to fall asleep at the wheel or take Emma to her piano lesson in her gymnastics leotard? I thought I knew what tired was before! Anyway, I am going to have to cut this short now as I have to get supper on the table...but i am really looking forward to having this blog to dump everything out of my brain related to life with diabetes. Thanks!