I've learned a few things over the years of being a D-Mom...and there's one in particular that resonates the most with where we are at in life now.
This is her disease...not mine. Yes, I have spent the past seven years injecting her, bolusing her, counting carbs, battling the ugly blood sugar numbers, stressing over things, constantly thinking about and trying to predict trends and find patterns and relentlessly searching for that perfect balance to keep her healthy. BUT, it's her disease...not mine. SHE is the one living with it. She is the one feeling the injections and feeling the effects of highs and lows. She is the one wearing the pump...having to explain what it is to those she encounters every day. She is the one living her life in spite of the fact that her pancreas no longer functions as it should.
It's HER disease...not mine. She is the one who will live with it every single second of every single day for the rest of her life or until a cure is found. I am merely a supporting player in this game. I started out holding the reigns and doing it all for her. As she is growing up, I am the teacher...showing her how things work...giving her helpful hints...offering advice...support...guidance....showing her what has worked in each situation I've encountered thus far. Soon, I will be handing the reigns completely over to her and letting her fly solo with her management....because I believe one of the greatest gifts a parent can give their child is the gift of independence.
Yes, I will ALWAYS be there for her to wrap my hands around hers whenever she needs help hanging on to those reigns...no matter how old she gets...because the job of a D-Mom never truly ends....hell, the job of a MOM never truly ends...it's a bond that can't be broken.
Yes, I feel pain when I see her struggle with blood sugar numbers...I feel pain when I change her pump site and she cries out or winces in pain. I FEEL pain when these things happen...because I am her Mom...she is my child...and what hurts her, hurts me.
BUT, it is her disease....not mine.
I feel a person...no matter child or adult...deserves the full and complete respect and acknowledgement of living with this disease. It's ridiculously hard sometimes and I will never fully understand what it is like.....
Because it's not MY disease....it's hers.
I am in awe of the strength...the determination...the acceptance...the power they exude. I think it is incredibly inspiring and I am greatful for the chance to be around the light they shine out on the world around them.
